When there's nothing left to pick you up

I’ve spent past months trying to make myself look perfect. Looking into the mirror I’ve realized, no matter how much make up you’re wearing or how dressed up you are, inside you’re the same. To be honest, it’s not easy to show everyone ‘the true you’. I know people who act the same whether they’re with someone new or with their best friends. I’m not sure why, but I’ve never been that person. Maybe it has something to do with my anxiety. I always fear of people judging me, talking about how my hair is horrible [even if I make sure it looks good], laughing about my imperfections I don’t even know I have. This is all so ridiculous, but I’m sure there’s someone who can relate.

The more I grow up, the less I care about what others think. Anxiety can bring you down instantly, anytime. It stops you from the world outside. All of a sudden you stop doing thing you used to love, because you are scared of being judged or laughed at. I wish I said yes to more things in the past. Maybe the past is past and if it’d be different, we wouldn’t be where we are. Maybe everything that’s happened was really meant to happen so that we can realize it all now. I really don’t know how the whole ‘world system’ works. I just know that if you thirst after something, you should go for it and do whatever it takes to make it happen.

I 
see people every day, saying: ‘Oh, I want to go there. Oh, I want to be that. Oh, I want to lose weight. Oh, I want to have better grades.’ Out of them all, I could count those, who’re actually doing something for it, on my one hand. How stupid, isn’t it?

‘Whatever it is that you are feeling is a perfect reflexion of what is in the process of becoming.’

Dreams are there to make us happy and trustful, to teach us to believe, to give us hope when we hit the very bottom. But there’s nothing better than reaching the very top.

I say be careful for what you wish for. Trust me on this one.

See? However bad it is. You didn’t choose to exist. But life is a gift and however bad gifts are, you shouldn’t throw them away, because they were given with love. So you better keep them! To be honest I’ve never really paid attention to bad mood or depression, however you like to call it. I think I actually have never been thinking about it. I was just a kid. And as most kids, I had no idea what I wanted to do or who I wanted to become. Until 2012… yeah, that year was a change for me. I felt feelings I forgot they existed. I got to know emotions I never believed in.

Stupid, how one person can change your life. Suddenly I forgot the kid I used to be. And after the old me died… my dreams were born. All the problems went away. There was no pain, sadness… everything was far away. I fell in love.

I’ve heard these things before and so have you. It’s the endless pointless story. How you forget the world around. How you can’t stop thinking about that one person. How you think you are wrong and confused suddenly life has a meaning. And sometimes it f*cks up. But you must remember –everything’s going to be alright...