Journey To Happiness

If there’s love, it never leaves. It can get weak, it can get stronger. But never fades away. People try to look for it. The truth is, it is love, that’s looking for them. Some people don’t stay in our lives forever. But they can always dwell in our hearts and memories. And what if someone disappoints you? What if he does it again? How to forgive when it hurts so much? That is love too. Inexpressible pain, the feeling when losing something you’re breathing for. Life is not a fairy tale. It’s been proved. But no one can ever deny miracles exist! It’s a journey. Crooked, sometimes narrow, sometimes wide. Sometimes too short even… The end is unknown. But the start can be anywhere. Because what’s a journey without a target?

My friend recently asked me to let her read one of the stories I wrote. I haven’t opened it for ages. As I was going through the pages and gradually got to the last one, I saw these words. I chose them as the last touch to the story, because they meant a lot to me at the time and they went perfectly with the story line. Screw the story though. I want to talk about their meaning.

I’ve been thinking a lot whether to write something like this or not, but at the end of the day, I thought there might be someone who’s feeling the same way or knows someone who needs help. I’m not here to judge. If there’s something life thought me so far, it’s this. 

I created the story when I was 14. It’s called The Journey To Happiness. 2012 was the most difficult year of my life and somehow keeping a diary wasn’t enough for me. I couldn’t talk about it with anyone, so I put my feelings into a simple story.

If I could describe the book in few words, I’d say it’s a war between love, pain and hate.

When you are young, you are forced to deal with new things. Some take it better, some worse. I think the key here is to remember everyone is different. I’m sixteen now, I’m mostly described as mature, clever and very wise for my age. However I think I’m still a stupid kid. It doesn’t matter which one is the right one. I could be an angel for today and a devil for tomorrow. It’s fine to have bad days, it’s fine to have bad weeks, it’s fine to want to be alone for a while. Being yourself is what’s correct. 

It’s not the dress people remember, it’s who you are.

I’ve heard so many words. And each time I wished I could help, but I stayed frozen.

‘I can’t do it anymore.’ ‘It’s too much.’ ‘I wish I could end this all.’ ‘I don’t want to live, if this is what life is.’ ‘What’s the point?’

I could go on and on. 

Every time I hear someone talking like that it tears me inside as much as it tears them. I’ve been there. I’ve hit the very bottom, but I jumped back up and even though it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with, I did it. And I’m here. And every time someone asks me how is it, that I’m so positive, I laugh. I’ve had people telling me they envy me my positivity. You’d expect words like that make you feel even happier. It’s the other way around. Why? Well, what’s the point of being happy when people around you aren’t?

Adult people often don’t get young ones. Is it because they’ve forgotten how it feels to be so confused? Or are WE taking this wrong? There’s not a single teenager who’d agree they were the same person a year ago. Neither would I. And as I’m slowly learning and growing, I realized the fault is not in us or our parents. It’s about time. It has changed. Because as well as with people, nothing is the same it was years ago.

So if your parents don’t understand you, don’t blame them.

And if there’s something you’d kill for but cannot get, don’t give up. Cause you might wake up the next morning and it’ll be there.

There was a girl who used to pray every night, crying herself to sleep, but the power of the dream she had kept pushing her forward. And then one day, she realized it’s all in her head and that there’re no rules to life. Few months later, instead of screaming and crying, she thanks every night and falls asleep with a smile on her face, impatient to welcome a new day.

And the best advice I can give you? Imagine your life like a movie. Imagine yourself as the main character. There’s no pause, just you and your imagination. Wake up every day and instead of complaining, give yourself a goal to see, do or say at least one thing that you are going to be grateful for later at night. Smile at your mom when you tell her good morning, take a deep breath, watch your favourite movie, go for a walk, cook your favourite meal… it’s about the little things.

And if nothing works for you at the minute, just close your eyes and remember, 

the end is unknown and you can start a new story at any time!

Love, Bonnie. xoxo